The Driver's License Examiner

The long hiatus is over! A new job spotlight is here! And this job has to be one of the more dangerous ones out there. A few weeks ago my friends and I were reminiscing about our teenage years and talking about getting our driver's licenses for the first time. This turned into a discussion of the driving exam itself, as we compared notes about that daunting final test. One friend mentioned that he failed the driving test the first time around, because he almost got in an accident. The driver of the car he almost hit actually got out and yelled at him, while the examiner sat next to him, fuming. I personally remember deciding to "play it safe" with the world's longest red-light-right-hand-turn, which resulted in sitting through two unbearable minutes of impatient honking while a man with a scruffy beard sat next to me, scratching irritated, angry notes onto a clipboard. I barely passed, and as a result I harbored ill will towards the examiner, the early stirrings of what would eventually become undeniable full-blown perfectionism. These conversations piqued my curiosity and I decided to investigate the job, having never considered it from scruffy-beard's point of view before. 

Turns out this job is not for the faint of heart. It requires work with computers, effective communication skills, and "the ability to do simple mathematical problems." It also requires a clean background and apparently a good driving record is recommended.  

Salary: The University of Phoenix proved to be an invaluable resource regarding information about becoming a driver's license examiner. They used the State of Florida numbers, stating that in 2009, FL driver's examiners earned between $23,645.40 and $24,914.16 annually. This salary is not without its perks though - examiners qualify for state health plans, free state college tuition, and perhaps most importantly, a life insurance program. 

Advantages: benefits, a paying job. Never having to wait at the line at the DMV. Plus, it's a total power trip. 

Disadvantages: This feels like stating the obvious, but jumping into a car with some kid that has never really driven before, or an individual that has lost their driver's license as a result of previous driving infractions (think Lindsay Lohan) is just dangerous. Side effects may include: loss of patience, sanity, faculties, life or limb. Is this really worth the paid vacation time? 

An apology: to the man who once tested me for a driver's license and just barely passed me: thanks. Though, I really feel that had I tested in Massachusetts instead, my score would have been at least an 89, instead of that stupid 78 you gave me.

The Late-Night Waiter

Another Anecdote:

A friend and I were at a late night cafe and diner. After much deliberation, my friend ordered a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk, and I ordered a smoothie. Our waiter was pale and awkward. Fast forward twenty five minutes and another pale waiter with disheveled hair ran out, and placed two (warm) glasses in front of us, announcing, "a glass of milk and that other thing you ordered." We stared at him, and he made to leave, at which point my friend inquired as to his chocolate chip cookie. "Oh. I think we ran out of those. I'll check on it." That waiter then walked a couple of steps, chugged a can of coke, picked up his apron, and walked out the front door and into the night. After the shock (read: amusement) wore off, my friend flagged down a third waiter and once again inquired as to his chocolate chip cookie. "Oh. I sold the last one right over there about thirty minutes ago," that waiter proudly informed us. "That would have been useful information about twenty five minutes ago," my friend responded. "Yes, it would have," the waiter agreed. He then stared at us some more.  After further awkward conversation, my friend finally settled for coffeecake and we watched the rest of the night unfold with general bemusement. 

Working at night must be tough. Waiting in general is a very tiring, physically and mentally demanding job. Waiting tables at night is rough. It's usually done by people who also have a day job, or go to school, or have other daytime responsibilities. It's often done to supplement income and it can wear down just about anyone. Here's a closer look at what some of our pale, awkward, disheveled friends go through:

Annual Salary: The Occupational Outlook Handbook has limited-service employees making annual wages of about $18,010. I'm sure it also varies based on geographical location, minimum wage, whether the place serves alcohol, and whether or not they serve entrees.

Advantages: Clear and utter lack of supervision. Free Coca Cola. Tips. Food? Also, some websites out there say it's a good workout. I'm not in a position to confirm or deny these allegations. 

Disadvantages: Chatty customers. Drunk Customers. Customers. Memory loss re: cookie inventory. Walking around at night with lots of cash. Being tired.


Finally: I encountered a person once who claimed that waiting tables was good practice for trial lawyers. Waiters face complaints, they said, much like lawyers face clients. Waiters go between customers and the chef, and trial lawyers go between the client and the judge. The metaphor goes on, but I'll spare you. Metaphors like this make me (and probably all lawyers and waiters out there) want to die. 

The Trader Joe's Crew Member

I look forward to my weekly grocery shopping. Well. Maybe that’s an overstatement. I like running errands about as much as the next person. But I guess the fact that my grocery shopping is done at Trader Joe’s makes things just slightly less terrible. TJ’s is a wonderful place, full of delicious, exotic, quality foods at an affordable price. And, all of their employees exude a slightly off-beat, laid back charm, what with their Hawaiian shirts and “I-only-eat-organic” attitudes. With one particularly embarrassing exception involving a dispute over a box of ground meat, my mother’s acute sense of justice, and my youngest brother being posted as a lookout at the head of an aisle, all of my interactions with TJ’s employees have been very pleasant indeed.

Which led me to ponder what working at Trader Joe’s might be like, which led to some scavenging for information. Which led to the conclusion that working at TJ’s might be really awesome. Seriously, somebody hand me one of those oversized shirts.  Incidentally, there is also a pretty large collective of people who seem to spend their time starting blogs about how much they love Trader Joe’s. Google it.

Trader Joe’s fosters a very loyal workforce. They pay well, make health benefits available, take time choosing and screening potential additions to the team. They have a leadership development program, encourage their hires to multitask, and offer an employee discount. A closer look:

Salary: full time crew members this year get $40-60,000 a year. Store managers earn in the “low six figures,” according to Fortune. In addition, TJ’s contributes 15.4% of the employee’s salary to a company-funded retirement plan. Health insurance covers medical, dental, and vision.

Advantages:  The Hawaiian t-shirt. Being addressed as “dude.” Making bank. Eating fresh goat cheese salads and sipping acai juice for lunch. Getting away with being just slightly kooky. Knowing the difference between 20 types of apples. Ringing those bells that hang above the check stands.

Disadvantages: The Hawaiian t-shirt. Being addressed as "dude." Working for one of the most secretive companies on the planet. (I’m starting to think TJ’s might be a front for the NSA.) Being perceived as slightly off-beat. Dealing with actually offbeat and yuppie customers. General lack of "real" food. Finding out people are blogging about you. 

And Finally: Happy labor day to all of you out there laboring, searching for labor, or in labor!

Disclaimer: This site is an independent Web site and has no affiliation or association with Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is registered trademark of Trader Joe's Company, Inc.

The Bat Researcher

This one comes with a personal anecdote. I was on a cross-country, seven hour flight once, and I was seated next to a young guy, who was sitting next to a young woman (who was sitting next to a window.) I was trying to read my contracts book, because I was missing several days of class and wanted to catch up. The two strangers next to me were having a heated discussion about the PowerPoint presentation that they were working on, making it clear to me (and the rest of the plane) that they were, in fact, academics. The guy tried to engage me in conversation several times, and when eventually I gave up on reading and turned my attention to him, I learned a little more about him and what he was doing. 


He was a bat researcher. He was headed to a bat researcher conference. Apparently, there is this giant plague that is wiping out bats everywhere. It's actually kind of sad. I listened to him chat about it for a while, with the understanding that I wasn't going to be able to finish my reading until he got this off his chest. Then, he whipped out his iPhone and started showing me pictures of his bats. Gross. And then he informed me that he was so slammed with work that he had tons of bat blood samples sitting in his refrigerator at home, waiting for him to return.


At this point I was getting uncomfortable and turned back towards my book, only to be interrupted again. "Um?" I looked up at him. "Do you think maybe, when we both get back, you'd want to go out sometime?" 

While bat boy and I never saw each other again, I did find his profession to be quite... unique. 


Average Salary: This guy was in a graduate degree program for Animal Science. Specifically, Bat Science. So he was getting however much money the program stipend plus his research grant totaled. However, once he's a qualified animal scientist, according to my favorite source, the Bureau of Labor Statistics, he will be able to make an average of $64,510 dollars and he will be able to work in academia, scientific consulting, or other similarly vague fields.


Perks: You can probably say whatever you want about bats and people will just assume it's true. Your chances of getting on a nature channel special are greatly increased. You understand the science behind team Edward. You have a personal connection to Count Chocula. You can name your child Stellaluna. You keep Gotham city safe at night. 


Disadvantages: Bat blood in your fridge. 


SAVE THE BATS: there actually is this crazy bat disease going around. You can learn more and donate to save the bats, or learn how to build a bat habitat, or even adopt a bat, at Bat Conservation International 

The Fireworks Technician

I don't think that I've ever stopped to think during a fireworks display about who took the time to pick out the colors, shapes, and combinations in the sky. Granted, I think about fireworks maybe twice a year. But that is someone's job, isn't it? To put together the displays? To think about the occasion, then put together something that'll dazzle the masses? Now thinking about it, it could be kind of fun. I am personally a huge fan of the sparkly white fireworks that look like fairy dust. If the fireworks show was up to me, I'd just do a half hour of fairy dust. People would hate me, but I'd be over the moon. Maybe it's good that I'm not in charge. Let's take a look at the people who actually have the expertise and creative talent to put this together:


Annual Salary: simplyhired.com says that fireworks technicians make an average salary of $49,000 a year. This apparently depends on company, location, industry, experience, and benefits. Keep in mind that I have no idea if simplyhired.com is a legitimate website. In fact, further searches show that you get about $500-$1,000 per show... So that's 49 shows a year if you're getting paid top dollar, which averages out to about a show a week. I don't know simplyhired.com, I just don't know.


Perks: I mean, you put on fireworks shows. That's pretty cool. QED. You're licensed to deal with gun powder. You have a great answer at parties to the whole, "what do you do?" question.


Disadvantages: It's dangerous!!! All you fireworks technicians out there, be safe! Also you probably have high premiums on your insurance costs, and you're going to be perpetually dissatisfied with the local neighborhood fireworks displays.


A Query: This whole thing makes me wonder, how much of a need is there for fireworks technicians? I mean, July 4th, New Year's Eve.... and if you're the guy who works every night for Disneyland, you've pretty much hit the fireworks career jackpot.  I know that one of my brothers had fireworks at his Bar Mitzvah... but it was a family friend who is a pyrotechnician on the side. Hm.

The Paparazzi

Is there any way to address this profession without bringing Lady Gaga into it? I mean, I suppose I could have left her out.. but come on. At the very least, the aim of this post is to get that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Still, an interesting job, right? These here are the people who feed the celebrity hysteria in our nation, who start scandals and change (read: ruin) lives with their ridiculously irritating and privacy intruding ways, who make us want to die but whom we could not live without. 
In all fairness, Paparazzi are photojournalists, which is a much more respectable title for their job. It just so happens that they're photojournalists whose entire career consists of stalking celebrities until they're compromised in some way, and then to snap a picture. So, another title for their job could be creepers. Or private investigators... for TMZ. But we all buy their product, don't we? 
In reality, this job requires tons of patience and skill. These people need to build their connections, they  need to get the right ins with celebrities or their staff, and with magazines/websites. They need to have the eye and the skill to capture the shot, often in a jostling crowd or from an odd vantage point. And, they need to get to the scene fast. 


A closer look at the job: 
Annual Salary: According to the Life of the Paparazzi blog, paparazzi earn about $250 per shot of an A-list celebrity. These are the typical shots of them walking around with groceries, often seen in the Star Tracks pages in magazines, with captions saying something like, "Stars do things we do too! They take out the garbage!" and involve pictures of Jennifer Aniston, in shades and a hat that scream "I'm famous" emptying out her recycling bin. The more established Paparazzi can make up to $500,000 a year - but that usually involves years of building up connections and the expenses that come with getting there.


Perks: You get to see some cool people. You get to be at some cool events. You get to build cool (and slightly sketchy) connections with doormen, hairdressers, and manicurists all over town.You're a free agent and you sell your pictures to the highest bidder. 


Disadvantages: The job is highly competitive. When Jen's emptying that recycling bin, there are usually fifteen other photographers there taking the same picture you are taking.  You have to spend a lot of time hunting down the celebrities. You killed Lady Di. The pictures that make you the most money may get you sued... and then you'll need to hire people like me. 


An Observation: Has anyone else noticed that Lady Gaga's songs make ZERO sense? 
Shadow is burnt/Yellow dance and return/ My lashes are dry / Purple teardrops I cry/ It don't have a price/ Loving you is cherry pie / Cause you know that baby I / I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me/ Papa-paparazzi....


...WHAT?

The Clue Crew

I have gotten so many requests for this post that I couldn't put it off any longer. Here it is, by popular demand. I am also not able to comment about this job with snark... because it's actually the best job ever and I'll just come off as bitter... because I am. If you're in my field, you probably think "the best job ever" belongs to Elana Kagan (mazeltov, you're confirmed!),  or to the partners at Cravath, or maybe even to the editors of ATL. But you're wrong. The best job actually currently belongs to three mostly unknown individuals. I say mostly because you've probably seen them around while flipping through channels, or running at the gym during a bad TV hour. I'm referring, of course, to Jeopardy!'s Clue Crew. 

What is this Clue Crew and what is it they do? The Clue Crew are three extremely photogenic individuals that get to travel all around the world to film Jeopardy!'s clues - 20 to 60 second video segments of them reading the clue out loud, usually at a location that helps contestants guess at the answer, usually while doing an activity that would help contestants guess at the answer. In order to bring these life-like experiences straight to our living rooms (or gyms), the Clue Crew has traveled to over 200 cities worldwide, through 45 states, and to 25 countries. And when they're done filming their 20 seconds about bananas in Ecuador, they get to STAY in Ecuador. At least until their flight out. So basically, they get paid vacations to everywhere cool, so long as they can smile at the camera, string together two sentences about some obscure topic, and peel a banana.

Best. Job. Ever. 

Alright - enough drooling - lets look at the facts: 

Annual Salary: A little hard to tell - it's not exactly readily available on Jeopardy!'s website, but the Bureau of Labor and Statistic's Occupational Outlook Handbook says that the median annual wages of TV reporters and correspondents were $34,850 in May of 2008. The middle 50 percent earned between $25,760 and $52,160. Granted, that was then, and this is now, but let's say that it's somewhere in there.

Perks: Where to start? Paid trips to all over the world (their photo gallery online has them in Japan, London, Spain, and Peru to name a few). Cool experiences almost no one ever gets to have (the cosmonaut center in Russia, on board the National Geographic Endeavour,) being on Jeopardy!!!

Disadvantages: lots of traveling probably means not as much time home with friends/family. might also be difficult to have a relationship. This is all speculation. 

A Special Message:

Sorry to rain on your parade, Elana. I know this was supposed to be a special day for you.

Go Here For:

CLUE CREW VIDEO SEGMENTS AND PHOTOS